


But there's no pain you feel that I know love can't heal here at all

by oceanicspirit



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Child Loss, F/M, Miscarriage, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:01:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22298227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceanicspirit/pseuds/oceanicspirit
Summary: In which Natasha and Steve were in a relationship while on the run
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	But there's no pain you feel that I know love can't heal here at all

**Author's Note:**

> So originally this fic was supposed to be happy but then ended up getting sad as I wrote it. It went through three different title changes. Title inspired by "Life Left To Go" by SafetySuit
> 
> Warning: Miscarriage 
> 
> Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any characters used

The first time they had each other was in a dingy motel while they were still hiding from the government. They had just finished rescuing a group of women that were being sold. Steve had gotten shot, but thankfully it was a clean shot and Natasha helped clean the wound. The soldier took in his partner’s features. Her red cheeks, blonde hair and plump lips. Green eyes would look up at him through her lashes from time to time. 

“All done,” she smiled at him as she finished wrapping the bandage around his hips. “Would you like me to kiss the boo boo,” she teased.

“I have a different kiss in mind,” he murmured.

Leaning down and cupping her cheek, Steve pressed his lips against her own. Natasha happily responded back and gently pushed him onto the bed. They moan as she grinded against his straining erection. He helped her strip out of her suit and she then proceeded to get Steve naked as she was. He gasped as she stroked his cock. 

“Natasha,” he breathed out.

She smiled at him and kissed him softly on the lips, “I want you too.”

Being partners for years meant that they didn’t need words to speak. The soldier moaned as she lowered herself on his cock. He let out a curse as she fully sank down on him. Natasha began to move and guided Steve’s hand to her clit, instructing him on how to please her. After a couple rounds of love making, with Steve being on top for the second one, he laid down next to her. Steve wrapped his arms around her so she was pressed against his chest. Natasha felt protected in his arms. The blonde took notice on how well their bodies fit together.

_ A perfect puzzle fit _

Natasha murmured a few words in Russian as she fell asleep in his arms. Steve smiled and kissed her forehead.

“I love you too Natasha.”

Their secret relationship went on as the months had gone by. Sam and Wanda never said anything but there were months when the couple would show subtle signs. Sometimes when the ragtag group dropped by Wakanda several times, T’Challa noticed the signs and smiled. It took only a couple of more months till Natasha and Steve announced their relationship. A year later and they had gotten married with Sam as the best man. Shuri gave the newly wedded couple the gift of a lifetime, she had given Natasha the option of being able to have children. The redheaded cried and nodded, never in her life did she think that she would be able to have kids. 

The operation was long and the healing process took even longer. Thankfully Steve was with her every step of the way. Shuri and a Wakandan doctor had given them clearance that they could attempt to have children. Of course it didn’t happen right away, still they were eager to keep trying. Queen Ramonda, T’Challa and Shuri’s mother, had given Natasha herbs to help with her fertility and also gave a blushing Steve herbs to eat to help make his seeds more potent. 

*****

Steve sat on the edge of the bed as the sound of water running stopped. Natasha looked at her husband, he was still wearing his uniform.

“Steve,” she cupped his face and her heart broke at the sight. So much pain in those blue eyes of his. “Let’s wash up together. I drew us a bath.”

He nodded and she helped him get undressed and then undressed herself. Natasha grabbed her husband’s hand and guided him to the bathroom and then into the bathtub. She laid against the tub and Steve laid his head on her stomach and began to cry. The redhead just stroked his hair as he sobbed. 

“I failed them Tasha, I failed them all.”

“You didn’t fail anyone Steve. We’ll avenge them, because we’re The Avengers.”

They stayed in the tub even when the water became cold. 

*****

Months had passed and good news had finally arrived. Tony, along with his new space friend Nebula, were rescued by Carol Danvers. While Tony stayed on earth to recover, they all went to space to face Thanos and get the stones. Unfortunately they were too late, the stones were gone and Thanos was killed. 

Once they got back to the compound, Steve took to the gym to unleash his anger while Natasha went to their room to drink. After destroying seventy bags, he headed to their room and found Natasha crying.

“Love?” He grabbed the bottle from her hands and stroked her face, “Are you okay?”

“Your hands,” Natasha sniffled and looked at his hands, “you didn’t wrap them up, didn’t you?” Steve shook his head. She got up and grabbed the first aid kit, then proceeded to patch him up.

The blonde let out a chuckle, “Reminds me of our first time. You were patching me up after I got shot.”

“I remember,” she smiled softly, “want me to kiss the boo boos?”

“No,” the blonde leaned in to kiss his wife.

They kissed with passion, with pain, and with sadness. They found comfort in one another and in their release. 

*****

Natasha looked at the item in her hand and then the other five that were on the counter.

“FRIDAY?”

_ Yes Agent Romanoff? _

“Please scan my vitals.”

After a couple of seconds of silence, the AI spoke up.  _ Agent Romanoff, I have detected an interesting finding. You are pregnant Agent Romanoff. _

“Thank you FRIDAY,” the redhead let out a shaky breath and placed a hand on her stomach. Stepping out of the bathroom, she headed into the communal kitchen where she found Steve drinking a bottle of water. “Steve.”

“Hey,” he gave her a boyish smile.

She stood before her husband and placed his hands on her stomach. “I’m pregnant.”

Steve smiled and then laughed, he lifted her up and twirled her. The new parents cried tears of joy and then made the big announcement to their friends. Unfortunately the happiness was short lived after the three weeks when Natasha found out she was pregnant. The redhead woke up and felt the sheets wet. Quickly kicking off the sheets, she let out a cry as she spotted blood. Steve heard her cries as he had just gotten back from his run. 

“Natasha,” he pulled her into his arms and held his crying wife.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she cried into his chest. 

The funeral was a small affair, Steve placed a tiny rattle and an unfinished yellow blanket (that Natasha had started) over the small box. All their friends gave their condolences to the couple. Steve and Natasha stayed outside until it began to rain. The soldier had to carry his wife back into the compound. Natasha would cry out in her sleep, sometimes Steve could stand it but then he would leave her and go to the gym to punch the bags. Both got a divorce on mutual terms and Steve left the compound for a counseling job in Brooklyn. 

*****

“This is gonna work Natasha,” he stood next to her as they both stared at the little grave. “I know it is.”

“I know it is.” She looked at her ex-husband. “Because I don’t know what I’m gonna do if it doesn’t.”

Steve smiles, he remembers saying those words to her five years ago.

*****

Natasha looks at her ex-husband and gives him a smile, one full of hope and happiness. “See you in a minute.” And with that, everyone shrunk and entered the quantum realm. 

*****

Natasha found herself awake, the entire atmosphere had a warm orange glow.

“Mama?” She turned around and gasped. There stood a little girl, about 5 years old, with strawberry blonde hair and Steve’s eyes. “Hi momma.”

“My baby girl,” the redhead cried. She knelt down and hugged the small child. “You’re mine, aren’t you?”

The girl nodded, “I’m yours and daddy’s. Your little Sarah.” 

Natasha let out a soft laugh. She remembered during her first week of pregnancy they were going through baby names. If the baby was a boy they would name him James, and if the baby was a girl then she would be named Sarah.

“Oh my baby girl, my sweet little Sarah,” Natasha brushed a strand of hair away from the girl’s face, “you’re so beautiful.”

“I missed you momma,” Sarah hugged her mother.

*****

Steve sunk onto his knees and began to punch the floor. He let out a cry of anguish. Clint kneeled next to the Captain and hugged him. 

“I’m sorry Cap, I’m so sorry.” 

*****

Steve found himself facing the cold winds of Vormir. 

“Steven, son of Sarah.”

The soldier let out a low growl, anger bubbling in his chest. “Red Skull.”

“I am not the man you once knew. I am nothing but a guide to those who seek the Soul Stone. Though the stone is no longer here.”

“Of course it isn’t. I’m here to return the damn fucking then and to get my  _ wife _ back!”

“Wife?” Red Skull flew up to Steve. “Interesting, the redhead woman was your wife? Just like Zola mentioned, your life did amount to zero.”

“Fuck you,” he spat out. “I get her back if I return the damn stone, don’t I?”

“That I do not know captain. Not many people return the stone.” Red Skull turned around and began to float away. “Follow me captain to where you must return the stone.”

It took awhile, but they had finally reached their destination. Steve looked down and sobbed, her body gone. 

“I’m so sorry Tasha. I’m so sorry. I should have been a better husband to you. I should’ve stayed at the compound instead of leaving. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry that I failed you.” Steve dropped the stone and a bright light flashed before him.

*****

“Steve?” He turned around and he gasped. “Is that you?”

“Tasha,” he ran up to her and hugged her, “god Tasha I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too.” They pulled apart and tears fell down their face. “Did we win?”

“Yeah, yeah we did.”

“I’m glad,” she stroked his cheek.

“I missed you love, I missed you so damn much.” He pulled her into his arms again. “I’m so sorry for everything.”

“Momma?” Steve pulled away and saw a little girl standing next to them.

Natasha smiled at the girl, “Hi baby, do you know who this man is?”

The child took a glance at Steve and smiled, “Daddy!”

“Is that?”

Natasha nodded, “Our little Sarah.”

Steve let out sob and held his arms out in which Sarah happily jumped in and hugged him. 

“Hi baby girl,” he whispered into her hair.

“Hi daddy, I missed you.”

“I missed you too. I missed you and your mommy.”

Sarah patted his cheek. “But daddy has to go though.”

Steve’s heart broke. “No please...I can’t...I don’t want to!”

“Steve, we’ll be okay.” Natasha stroked his cheek. “We’ll wait for you.”

The soldier frowned and gently placed Sarah down. “I’m gonna miss my girls.”

“I’m gonna miss you too, my soldier.” Steve cupped Natasha’s face and kissed her. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” tears formed in his eyes. He knelt in front of Sarah and kissed her forehead. “I love you too princess.”

“Bye daddy,” Sarah hugged her father before he disappeared. The little girl looked at Natasha. “It’s time for mommy to go too.”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“Daddy gave the Soul Stone back, which means mommy can go back to daddy.”

Natasha pulled Sarah in for a hug, “I can’t leave you here baby.”

Sarah looked up at her mother and smiled. “Don’t worry mommy, I won’t be here anymore. I’ll be with Grandma Sarah. She’s gonna look after me in the meantime.” Sarah patted her mother’s face. “Don’t worry mommy, I’ll be okay.”

“You’re strong, just like your father.” Natasha placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. “I love you solnyshko.” 

*****

Steve found himself back in 2023. He gave Sam the shield, telling him that he could no longer continue being Captain America. The blonde walked over to the small grave, he was grateful that it was still intact. A small smile fell upon his lips. 

“I already miss you both.”

“Steve?” He turned around and his heart stopped. 

“Natasha? Is that really you?” She nodded and he ran up to her. The former spy squealed as he lifted her up, the sun shining down brightly on them both. “You’re really here?”

“I am, when you returned the stone, I was able to come back.”

Steve let out a choked sob and caressed her face. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she pulled him down for a kiss.

“Marry me,” he whispered against her lips.

“What?”

“Marry me,” Steve got down on one knee. “Natasha Romanoff, will you do the honors of marrying me once more? This time I will be a better husband.”

“Yes, I will marry you again.” Natasha jumped into his arms and the two kissed.

*****

The soldier and the spy had gotten married again, Sam and Bucky both shared the duties of being the best man, Morgan got to be the flower girl, Pepper had to reign Tony in from making jokes about how the two were getting married again, and Fury and Clint walked Natasha down the aisle. Both Natasha and Steve had written new vows and Steve was able to give Natasha his mother’s old wedding ring. 

*****

Both Steve and Natasha walked up to a small grave that was underneath a tree. They both planted the tree a month after they had gotten remarried. Even though little Sarah’s grave was on the compound, that didn’t stop them from maintaining the grave. 

“Hey baby girl,” Steve placed a bouquet of flowers, there were white lilies, forget me nots, and baby breathes. “Sorry we haven’t been here for awhile.”

“Your daddy and I got a bit busy, but we finally were able to make time to see you.” Natasha and Steve sat down in front of the grave. “Sarah, we want you to meet your baby brother, James.”

James Samuel Clinton Rogers, he was a carbon copy of his father but had his mother’s eyes and nose. He was nestled on his mother’s lap. 

“James this is your older sister, can you say hi,” Steve lifted one of James’ hands and waved it. “We still miss you baby girl. I hope you and my ma are doing alright.”

“Ba!” James squealed and clapped as a couple of red cardinal birds landed on Sarah’s gravestone.

“Steve,” Natasha gripped her husband’s arm.

“I know love, I know.” Both parents had tears in their eyes as the two cardinal birds happily chirped and flew around them. One of them was slightly smaller than the other and landed in front of the trio. The cardinal chirped happily once again before flying off with the bigger bird. 

Natasha held James close and kissed his head. Both parents looked at each other and smiled, knowing the significance of the red cardinal. 

*****

Natasha laid her head on her husband’s chest as they swayed in the living room. James was peacefully sleeping as they got back to their home. Steve held her close and kissed her head. On walls of their living room were pictures, ones they had with the team, their first wedding, their second wedding, their first family photo with James, and next to that was a drawing Steve had done. It was a family photo of them but with the image of the five year old Sarah they had met in the Soul Stone realm. 

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: Some people often believe that a red cardinal sighting meant a loved one (that had passed) is visiting you. My grandmother had passed 3 years ago, and there would be days my mom had seen a red cardinal and told me that my grandma had visited.


End file.
